The Techniques Manipulators Use to Undermine Brotherhood—and How to Guard Against Them
In The Sacred Kings, we talk a lot about trust, authenticity, and supporting each other in creating lives of purpose and integrity. Unfortunately, not everyone operates with the same set of values. Manipulators thrive on undermining connection and trust, often in subtle ways that are hard to detect—until you know what to look for.
These tactics can show up in professional settings, family dynamics, and even friendships. But when you recognize the techniques manipulators use, you can protect yourself and maintain your integrity. Let’s explore five common manipulation tactics and how to stay grounded when they surface.
1. Projection
Manipulators often project their own insecurities onto others. For example, someone struggling with feelings of incompetence might accuse you of being unqualified or undermining your contributions. This tactic can leave you questioning your abilities.
How to Respond: Stay rooted in your truth. Reflect on your own capabilities and recognize projection for what it is—an expression of their inner conflict, not your reality. Minimize engagement, as trying to “understand” them will only fuel their behavior.
2. Moving the Goalposts
Ever feel like no matter how much you do, it’s never enough? Manipulators use this tactic to keep you in a state of constant striving, shifting expectations just as you meet them. This leaves you feeling inadequate and powerless.
How to Respond: Recognize when this is happening and refuse to play the game. Validate yourself and trust that you’ve already done your part. Their dissatisfaction is not a reflection of your worth.
3. Smear Campaigns
When a manipulator loses control over you, they may try to control how others perceive you. They paint themselves as the victim and you as the aggressor, spreading misinformation to damage your reputation.
How to Respond: Stay calm and avoid reacting emotionally. Instead, document interactions or incidents with this person to create a record. If necessary, you can use this evidence to clarify the truth with others without stooping to their level.
4. Covert “Jokes”
“You can’t take a joke!” Sound familiar? Manipulators often disguise their true intentions under the guise of humor, using “jokes” to undermine your confidence or subtly insult you while avoiding accountability.
How to Respond: Call it out—calmly but directly. Let them know that you don’t appreciate the comment and that it crosses a line. Setting boundaries lets them know you won’t tolerate disrespect.
5. Triangulation
Perhaps the most divisive tactic, triangulation involves using a third party to manipulate you. For example, they might claim someone else is talking about you behind your back, playing you against each other to keep control.
How to Respond: Understand that the third party is likely being manipulated as well. If appropriate, speak directly to the third person to clear the air. Open, honest communication can disrupt the manipulator’s narrative and build solidarity.
Cultivating Brotherhood Through Awareness
Manipulative tactics thrive in environments of confusion and doubt. By staying grounded in your values, communicating clearly, and setting strong boundaries, you can maintain the integrity of your relationships.
Reflections for The Sacred Kings:
- Have you encountered these tactics in your life?
- What tools or practices have helped you stay true to yourself and build trust with others?
Let’s share insights in the comments below. Together, we can create a culture of accountability and strength.